In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs
in full.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
Contributed by: Sarika
Friday, October 5, 2007
Additions to Murphy's Laws
"The Law of Volunteering"
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
"The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.
"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkedness"
You can't fall off the floor.
"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.
"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.
"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
"Weinberg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
Contributed by: Mark's Kaye's Joke Service
Another dedicated joker found at http://jotd.home.ml.org/
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
"The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.
"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkedness"
You can't fall off the floor.
"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.
"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.
"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
"Weinberg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
Contributed by: Mark's Kaye's Joke Service
Another dedicated joker found at http://jotd.home.ml.org/
Ad Funnies
Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too!
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it!
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service: Try us once -- you'll never go anywhere else again.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must like the food business, be dependable, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home too!
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Dog for Sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it!
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service: Try us once -- you'll never go anywhere else again.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must like the food business, be dependable, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
Acronym Overuse
A woman hails a cab in NYC, jumps in and says to the cabbie. "T.G.I.F."
The cabbie just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Huh?"
She repeats, "T.G.I.F."
The cabbie thinks about that for a moment and says, "S.H.I.T."
Not understanding, she inquires about the meaning of the acronym.
The cabbie responds, "Sorry Honey, It's Thursday!"
Contributed by: Joel
The cabbie just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Huh?"
She repeats, "T.G.I.F."
The cabbie thinks about that for a moment and says, "S.H.I.T."
Not understanding, she inquires about the meaning of the acronym.
The cabbie responds, "Sorry Honey, It's Thursday!"
Contributed by: Joel
A woman's 4 Favorite Animals
1. A Mink: to provide a beautiful coat
2. A Jaguar: to reside in her garage
3. A Tiger: to keep her happy in the bedroom
4. A Jackass: to pay for all the above
Contributed by: Beverly
2. A Jaguar: to reside in her garage
3. A Tiger: to keep her happy in the bedroom
4. A Jackass: to pay for all the above
Contributed by: Beverly
A Teacher's Many Duties
The fourth and fifth graders went on a field trip to the local race track accompanied by their lady teachers.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the restroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher. And the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom.
One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys up by their armpits as they did their business.
Though not purposely, while lifting one little boy, she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly well endowed.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he said "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift."
Contributed by: Connie
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the restroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher. And the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom.
One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys up by their armpits as they did their business.
Though not purposely, while lifting one little boy, she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly well endowed.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he said "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift."
Contributed by: Connie
A Teacher's Many Duties
The fourth and fifth graders went on a field trip to the local race track accompanied by their lady teachers.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the restroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher. And the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom.
One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys up by their armpits as they did their business.
Though not purposely, while lifting one little boy, she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly well endowed.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he said "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift."
Contributed by: Connie
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the restroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher. And the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom.
One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys up by their armpits as they did their business.
Though not purposely, while lifting one little boy, she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly well endowed.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he said "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift."
Contributed by: Connie
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